accusation

In the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful

Lately, I haven't got much into this over-thinking habit and there are not many thoughts running through my mind. There are single-A and Z cross and walk through, but I close the 'thoughts' in a good way. However, there is this thing as mentioned in the title that has been bothering me over and over since years ago. You know that time when someone says something false or untruth about you but you have no intention, to tell the truth....anymore? I always encounter this. I bet you too. We always try to explain the truth but at the end, we feel like to not do anymore. 

People will believe what they want to believe.

Even people surround me also don't know the real feelings of me. Communication is a key indeed but when one is too tired to explain, I guess that is that.

 Communication is a two-way method though. Sometimes, I couldn't bear it alone. The statements are too much and it hurts. The struggle that I faced is often to be misinterpreted. Despite how much we try to understand their so-called points of view, we ended up getting hurt. Refusing over and over about some accusation regardless it is false or true could be tired sometime. I wonder how our great man, Rasulullah SAW have done this before. 

I came across and read over one seerah article that is interesting to be sharing with.

‘Â’isha (RA) reported that she once asked the Prophet ﷺ, “Have you encountered a day harder than the Day of Uhud?” The Prophet ﷺ said,

Your tribe has abused me much, and the worst was the day of ‘Aqaba when I presented myself to ‘Abd Yalâyl b. ‘Abd Kulâl, and he did not respond to what I sought. I departed, overwhelmed with grief, and I could not relax until I found myself at a tree where I lifted my head towards the sky to see a cloud shading me. I looked up and saw Gabriel in it. He called out to me, saying, ‘Allah has heard your people’s saying to you and how they have replied, and Allah has sent the Angel of the Mountains to you that you may order him to do whatever you wish to these people.’ The Angel of the Mountains greeted me and said, ‘O Muhammad, order what you wish, and if you like, I will let the two mountains fall upon them.’ I said, ‘No; rather, I hope that Allah will bring from their descendants people who will worship Allah alone without associating partners with Him.’

I learned that Rasulullah SAW, himself was upset over the accusation that people made and the way they replied to his dakwah. But Rasulullah SAW didn't mad at that particular moment but instead, take a moment to calm down himself. Even after Allah has tried to offer help to him, he made a du'a instead. Du'a, du'a, du'a and du'a to his beloved ummah. I pray that I won't get disappointed that much about what and how people talk to me plus behaving like the sunnah always.

ps : i am going to send my reply of nini's letter soon. please wait for me okiee nini. at least this is a least productive thing i can do for december. life is so routine these days with no roller coaster ride hahaha. 2020, i cannot wait for u! 

Reflection

Assalammualaikum ladies.

As you guys might know from my last post, I had moved to Perak where my hometown is. Thus, I get to know some of my far-relatives here. Well, I guess it's not far-relatives anymore? Despite the hectic schedules i.e to unpack our things, I happened to look on my Tok Su, who I don't really know her very well. When I visited her home, it is a very small home where, kandang kambing is just a stone throw away from her house. After a few knock-knock, I was surprised to see this very small grandma, who just finished eating her medicine, was alone. She didn't really recognize my mother at first, but knew right away after my mother introduced herself.

Actually, it was just too sad, and my tears almost touch the ground because Ya Allah, how can an old mother living there alone...? Allahu. I pray that I won't leave my parents alone and my future children won't leave me alone. Listening to her stories, made me realized so much things in this jeopardy world where we still, have a bunch of people who neglect their parents and being selfish to prioritize their own family while ignoring the parents. I could not help but get bent out of shape over this. Tok Su said, " This is how world works. When we grew old, this is how our life gonna be. "

She then added on, " Even though children give us, a box of gold, this cannot replace our loneliness at home. " True enough... It just like how we heard at the local radio. It did made me reflect a lot and I feel scared as if it's going to be same all over again, to other people as well in the future despite how much we raise the awareness. Or maybe it might occur in my life as well, Nauzubillah Min Zalik. It just a short visit, but leave a big impact for me today. If I am at Tok Su place, how can I face it? Am I ready to face it?

It made me realize that I shall learn to break the ice, all the time actually. As I known for the loyal introvert, at least I should learn to communicate better with elders, hatta with my parents. Being an anti-social is not wrong but please know your limit. I wish I can talk more and express more like I write in the blog, in real life. Be real, nonetheless. Living in new place already made me learned a new thing, plus I am growing older. If back then my teachers and classmates didn't really care if I didn't talk that much, but now not anymore. People surrounds you, who don't know you will misjudge you, will misunderstood you etc etc. I guess that just how life is. Trying to not impress other people but know your boundary, when you are in the community.

I really hope you visit your parents frequently, my friends. My father always remind my sibling, " Sehina-hina mak abah kau, tak cium bau syurga kalau kau derhaka dengan dia. " Allah humma ya Allah, all the things are organized perfectly by You, by Your own better way. May all the parents' who are mistreated, will have a bless reward at the akhirah.

Loves, Ariena.

Random December

— Hello and Assalammualaikum everyone, I'm coming back! Alhamdulillah

So yess, this high school leaver had successfully finished her big exam last few days ago. It was a chaotic month, that me and my friend have survived till the end, greatly. I really thought that it was a month that made my mood been in a roller-coaster mode. What a month. I'm not in a boarding school, so sometimes I even read some blog posts during my not so free times. Don't be like me lil kids. Every time it was the exam day, one of the words that I uttered the most was " Ya Allah, takut. " Hahahaha I could not help but felt all the butterflies had set up their home inside my small stomach. My sleep patterns were messed up, my food intake was a crazy diet, ( since I did not have any selera to eat food ) and basically, I was messed up hshshshs. That's normal, I guess?

And finishing your high school means finishing your life with your classmates too. Oh gosh, I do not want to be a drama queen here but O M G how can I live without them, after this???? Let's cry. Everyone will miss me for sure, as their regular potato queen hahaha. It just a sad thing to depart away but that is how life works. People come, and then people go. Honestly, I'm not even ready to open up my life circle yet, and I am still scared to do that. I really pray that I can adapt well with new people soon, Ameen. The things that we discuss a lot in group class chat are like " What should we do, after spm? " " Let's meet before bidding farewell. " " Let's take license together. " etc etc. To be honest, I pun dah start boring HAAHHAAHHA. What stuff did you guys do after SPM? Share in the comments below <3

Plus plus I am busy with my moving soon TT InshaAllah, I will update a new post regarding this. I'm just trying to catch up things with all my readers and InshaAllah again, you will see a lot of stuff from me soon!! I do not want my writing skill gone just like that and that's gonna be a big loss. I already planned something but let's see how it is going to work. Stay updated!

p/s : I have a list thing to do next year already! Let me just write here so that I won't forget hahaha

— reply Nini's letter
— belajar bawak motor ( for real sake HAHAHAHA )
— new template of the blog
— reading, reading and reading!

updating life • sept edition

| 16 September 2019 |

Hello. Today, I learn that I shall be grateful and pleased with what Allah has granted for me, personally & warmly. Whenever I got English paper, I always feel like " Wew, alhamdulillah. Um by the way, did the teacher mark me wrongly tho? Why my marks this tinggi TT "

Yes. I just feel like I don't deserve high marks and praise from people. My low self-esteem is just that LOW 🤠 It's not that I was being ungrateful or what but yea, the esteem self. But then, I reflect. I thought that,

" Maybe I shall think more positive? Like look, Allah has set that marks for you. He has a purpose. Maybe he wants you to share HIS knowledge that you learn with other people? Maybe he wants you to know that what you have achieved now, may lose in one second? So please, stop underestimating yourself. It's all for HIM. "

& what you need to know also is, don't you ever riak.

Allah humma ya Allah, please forbid me from ujub and bongkak inside my heart, Ya Rahim. Allah humma Ya Alim, you always know what is going through inside my heart, so please let my heart always under your rahmah, Ameen.

Despite all the colourful rainbow you see from people, there will be always darkness had hidden among the colours. I struggle, but I want to put my faith completely towards Him. After all, he knows the best. I just got a few subjects that I guess, good grades? So I kinda felt a little overwhelmed which made me had some random thoughts today, Alhamdulillah.

| 25 September 2019 |

I cried. Yes, I cried because of the Additional Mathematics' marks. I thought I have done my best already but no. I made mistakes somewhere. It sucks to think that I studied this subject the most and still fail. The moment I saw the marks on the website, I felt like time stop ticking. I just laid on the bed, didn't think much. Things just got lil intense when my heart self, felt the ache. Maybe I was upset with myself and nothing else.

It just funny if I recalled back the scenario of me, bursting out that hard after taking wudhu' to perform Maghrib that day. Sometimes crying is the only way to comfort us. I haven't cried for a long time already. Wow addmath, you did it.

Please pray for me a lot, with love and always. Thank you for reading and have a good day, InsyaAllah.

confident is the key?

Hey there, Assalammualaikum and greeting!

I just finished my trial, Alhamdulillah. I'm not doing my best but meh I'll just let it past and focus more for the next one I guess? InsyaAllah, please pray a lot for me. I tried to jot down stuff for blog contents but I think most of them are just snobbish ideas that sounds ungrateful and full with negativity hahaha :D

Good news is, I am currently handling my period pain ( which was starting yesterday. ) It was right after the last paper, even though it has shown symptoms earlier but Alhamdulillah 3000x, Allah still loves me and treat me so well like HE saves me to not suffer the pain on the day I seat for examinations. That's the good part is. Hahaha. So, I take MC today which is my #first mc this year because I cannot tolerate about the pain, much. My mum always tells me that the pain is only 1/10 of birthing me. Hshshs, I cannot even.

Okay, what an intro. So yea, I just come across with another thought today under the keypoint of confident.

So like me myself, gaining the confidence is like when I can feel that yakeen from Allah, that He has set things for me AND i will just do all right. He always knows the best so I hipe I CAN ALWAYS REMEMBER that everything just going to be all right. Not to mention the support from my circle of people too. You know that little hopes that lit you up? That feeling is one of a true form of happiness. I always feel hype whenever someone motivate me, POSITIVELY. So whenever this feeling crops up, I think I shall be more grateful that day with the pleased feeling thatcAllah has granted for me. Oh and also when I have that random day feeling of " I don't care, I'll just do it anyway " xD

I admit that I am brave enough sometime but for sure not all the times! I am that typical low-self-confident person but nothing to be ashamed of, I guess? It's normal to has that feeling especially when I believe that I am in the path of growing hahaha, #tryingtobepositiveatupmost

When I watch some schoolmates doing amazes thing on the big stage, I would always say " Woah, the confidence though! " Because I don't really mind either it is successful performance or what ( besides handling second hand of embarassment ) as it still takes a lot of courages to be there on stage and being crowd of attention, receiving the cold stares and unbothered gazes ( which the thing I hate the most by the way even though it is not true at all hahaha )

So how about you? What things make you feel confident? and how do you grab the chance?

ps : i'm still struggling to handle my blog title post like you see the big blue kind of link? hahhaha i don't know what to do TT buat buruk aje !

updating life | july edition

hey there, assalammualaikum!
its been a long time i'm writing here and i feel like to do so today. it just a random blue day but still okay for me to handle it, alhamdulillah.

people might notice i am inactive but i actually enjoyed reading all blog post every week by your guys superb contents, thank u. its clear my mind and i did have that 'me time' by reading, alhamdulillah.

the last published book that i read ( school books didnt counted hahaha ) was ' letters to god ' by norhafsa hamid! it is a great book and i want to buy more at iman publication TT lets earn some money, dear self! it talks about a journey of young girl's life during her studies at overseas. plus its all about her letter to god, i.e a form of one of her du'a method. thats such a beautiful thing i ever read and i hope what i write also conveys to allah rightly. also please pray for me that i able to go study abroad as well, amin!

my school life was hectic and i find that i'm still not on the gear. i really hope that teacher can stop giving homeworks and give me a break time to study by myself tbh hahahaha. trial was less than a month & i hope i can do better tho, insyaAllah.

so yea that just a quick update of meeeeee. may allah ease everything for us & please continue doing good deeds yeorobun!

ps : please recommend a good book! 

mentality

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.

Pernah tak, kau bitter dengan semua orang sampai budak pun jadi mangsa? Kalau ya, tolong berhenti.

Pernah tak, kau dengki dengan orang sampai kau rasa kau je yang betul? Kalau ya, tolong berhenti.

Pernah tak, kau bertalam dua muka sampai kau tak sedar orang dah tahu sebenarnya perangai busuk kau? Kalau ya, tolong berhenti.

Sometimes, I always wonder why people can do these kind of such things. Are they satisfied? Are their heart full with hatred that much? Can we not fix their mentality? I always ponder and still am. I kind of sad, especially when it involves people around us and that moment you can't help those victims when you want to protect them dearly...

If someone have answer, please tell me on the comment below to ease this little curious girl. I was once told by Diana Rikasari in her one of books, #88LoveLife that sometimes, we do not have to understand. but instead, understand ourself better and improve. ( i might mistrans this but if im not mistaken, this is what she said! ) & i guess that is good point. we can't change people unless they want to right? but we can change ourselves to the better one & spread the kindness self :) i chose to believe that. it just some incidents make me get bent out of shape and i cannot help to vent this frustration into my blog lolol.

err I don't know if this blog post will give you answer, or create more question marks in your mind because I just feel like to write something over this. but you know what? we r 10 days to go ramadan mashaAllah! may allah ease our worship and everything there amin!

see ya

helping those in need

1 april,

last night, i watched one of the random episodes from korean drama, school 2015. it was just an old throwback that i think, i just simply wanted to waste my time for, LOOOL. one of the highlight moral that have been shown in the episode was, " giving a hand to those who r not reach to do so "

i think it is magically significant for all people. sometimes, we feel lonely. there r setbacks of this feeling but i want to emphesis the positive vibes first bcs i know that lonely bring some invaluable & precious me-time for everyone. so how about those who are alone all the time? i find miserable whenever i thought that someone is actually fighting to reach a friend hand to one another. we all have been through that though or maybe we have seen one but ignored it?

thus, lets take a moment to reflect it back. why not we just giving our hand to those who need? i believe we r not blind to see the situation right? most of us are kind of observing our surrounding. when we see that she or he seems like need someone beside them, please kindly giving a hand to them! they could be that one who r not able to reach us, right?

& i believe we r amazing bcs we r spreading kindness. may allah bless us :)

Ps :: i just know that i have a lot of awaiting comments that i am not aware of!! im so sorry!!! i will reply each of them soon inshaAllah.

updating life | march edition

24 march,

ola! i was enjoying reading some post today and it actually boosted me to write as well and that's great!
I was thinking to update more and more but form five life drained me out. eh but guess what? I still survive alhamdulillah

I was so so so jubilant, waiting for this school holiday because yo, the girl finally got to rest! ( even though homework waiting at the table lolol )
nothing much to update for real, it just about studies life of an ordinary girl...

but little did you know, I noticed that the first three months I ride now were actually kinda good because I am new— like a new version of myself. I became a lot positive thanks to inspiring people out there ( shout out to aida azlin, teme abdullah our great 4 imam & lot more ) and again, that's great.

form 5 also a year where people keep asking what is your ambition and I already sit on 3 psychometric test this year, just get to know myself better. I try to not be anxious about the future and practice my best at what I'm doing right now rather. it's not like you got to determine your character and future with the 180 questions anyway. I try to take the positive nevertheless muehehe

I also enjoy reading lately! I am currently reading a biography of Talhah, companion of Rasulullah that written by al Ghaffar and so far it is not detailed that much but I got reflect a little bit despite the hurdles they faced during Islam getting to become wider. I did preorder teme Abdullah's new books too &&& I'm so excited. Wish to meet him personally at pwtc though sobs sobs

My sleep pace that I talk last post also kind of getting better? idk.. but I'm trying my best! The weather is scorching hot lately so stay hydrated people! any comment will be direct to my cbox because I don't bother myself to read new google feature. & tbh I'm so disappointed when they delete the comments without my conscious. huh! byee :)

january recap

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful. 

Assalammualaikum and hi, fellas.

It was hard. I don't know but three to four weeks passed and all I can say, it was quite hard. School life cycle really drained me out this much and that is not surprising. Last year, I was thinking to update on blog like one entry per week but I don't really have time to do so. My schedules were hectic asf and all the things that I planned were jumbled up. I guess that just how life is. 

I want to make reflection every day by writing at blog but all I do was reflecting when I have like 5 minutes while sitting at the corner and that's it, new task come. I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO THINK LOL

I tried to recap all the things that mesmerized me this passed three weeks and yes, let's read! 

1. Don't judge people with their past.

I have friend who seems like not so into religious stuff but this year, that person is more religious than me myself! I was shook but I am so proud of that person, alhamdulillah. 

2. I came across form one class.

Last few days, I was meeting this one teacher at her form one class. There is this one chinese-muslim boy, taught the whole class and explained stuff! I was like subhanallah what is happening? So the teacher called me and told me to listened to the boy's lesson. It was about progression topic. I listened, listened and listened about his opinion and acting like dummy hshshshs. I just want to hear and know what inside his little and bising mouth hahaha. At the end, he told the teacher, " Teacher, I thought she was smarter than me?! " & all I can say was, " Nooooooo, we are on same level! " 

3. Aida Azlin replied me on twitter!

I wrote an essay, " The Advantages of Social Networking Sites " last week. I tried to be optimistic while making it despite the hatred that has spread through social media nowadays. So I included Aida Azlin in one of the paragraph. Here it is.

| At last, social networking sites also help people to find inspirational or their own role model all around the world. We do really have many influencers in this day and age who are constantly sharing and spreading positivity & happiness in their social networking sites. I personally think that it is such a big and important advantage to people who are in need. For instance, I have been subscribed to Aida Azlin's youtube & e-mail for almost one year already and I feel that it was a really amazing journey ever, even though only through social media. She is a wonderful entrepreneur that has been sharing & serving contents for girls out there to become the best version of ourselves. Every Tuesday, Aida's team will send out her well-beloved, personally hand-crafted Love Letters to Sisters all around the world, and I love to be a part of the family. Thus, I think this kind of advantages, where people can find some reasons to be happy, to spread positivity & to think out of the box will make this reason stands stronger to state that social networking sites have brought heed advantages than disadvantages. |

So when my teacher checked it, she wrote " I love her too!!! " and you don't know how much happy I was that morning when received back my book. I bragged to everyone even though they don't even know who Aida Azlin is. That evening, I took a picture over it and sent to Aida's twitter. She then replied me this,

I was so happy that day haha. 

4. Too many things to handle, but I still overslept.

I am that type of person who sleeps very very very long. I can sleep right after Isyak and wake up when it is Subuh. So I don't really have much time to do my works & make me procrastinate a lot  I sleep either I was too tired or it was bad blue day. I don't know how to handle this type of bad habit :( I can't drink coffee though hshshshshs. What is your guys opinion? Mind help?

So yea that's a wrap! I told myself that January is just a free trial month ( to make me feel better ) because I am not even serious when actually I will sit SPM this year, oh lord! February will be a whole new thing for me and I would make it real for sure. Please, please & please du'a for me so that I can enjoy life better and succeed! Thank you for reading and have a nice day~