confident is the key?

Hey there, Assalammualaikum and greeting!

I just finished my trial, Alhamdulillah. I'm not doing my best but meh I'll just let it past and focus more for the next one I guess? InsyaAllah, please pray a lot for me. I tried to jot down stuff for blog contents but I think most of them are just snobbish ideas that sounds ungrateful and full with negativity hahaha :D

Good news is, I am currently handling my period pain ( which was starting yesterday. ) It was right after the last paper, even though it has shown symptoms earlier but Alhamdulillah 3000x, Allah still loves me and treat me so well like HE saves me to not suffer the pain on the day I seat for examinations. That's the good part is. Hahaha. So, I take MC today which is my #first mc this year because I cannot tolerate about the pain, much. My mum always tells me that the pain is only 1/10 of birthing me. Hshshs, I cannot even.

Okay, what an intro. So yea, I just come across with another thought today under the keypoint of confident.

So like me myself, gaining the confidence is like when I can feel that yakeen from Allah, that He has set things for me AND i will just do all right. He always knows the best so I hipe I CAN ALWAYS REMEMBER that everything just going to be all right. Not to mention the support from my circle of people too. You know that little hopes that lit you up? That feeling is one of a true form of happiness. I always feel hype whenever someone motivate me, POSITIVELY. So whenever this feeling crops up, I think I shall be more grateful that day with the pleased feeling thatcAllah has granted for me. Oh and also when I have that random day feeling of " I don't care, I'll just do it anyway " xD

I admit that I am brave enough sometime but for sure not all the times! I am that typical low-self-confident person but nothing to be ashamed of, I guess? It's normal to has that feeling especially when I believe that I am in the path of growing hahaha, #tryingtobepositiveatupmost

When I watch some schoolmates doing amazes thing on the big stage, I would always say " Woah, the confidence though! " Because I don't really mind either it is successful performance or what ( besides handling second hand of embarassment ) as it still takes a lot of courages to be there on stage and being crowd of attention, receiving the cold stares and unbothered gazes ( which the thing I hate the most by the way even though it is not true at all hahaha )

So how about you? What things make you feel confident? and how do you grab the chance?

ps : i'm still struggling to handle my blog title post like you see the big blue kind of link? hahhaha i don't know what to do TT buat buruk aje !

be the one

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful. 

Assalammualaikum and hi, fellas. It's been a while I write something properly besides my lame and childish rants, and I feel excited somehow. I'm thinking the whole day on what topic should I write today. Something that worth to read? ANDDDD /drumroll thus, I decided to write about how to find someone that understand our heart.


I have so many flaws that even if I list it down, the page would not be enough. However, having someone that could understand me is something that I should be really appreciated with. As many hurdles facing one life, I guess having someone behind you is already a comfort I guess? No matter what happens, one will be there for you. Like look, life is full of questions without answers and some things should be solved together. That is where your-dearly-one will pay heed to your thoughts plus views and will be throwing different but realistic opinions to you. I personally think, someone who understand me deep inside, would help me in this content life.


So I just sit back and think for awhile. Look, I always try to find the right person to let out all my thoughts but I just can't. I had already stop finding the right person because I just too tired to let or boost out toward wrong person who doesn't deserved my fullest thoughts. Thanks of that, I always mumble alone with God and write on this blog. I guess life just like that. The circle life now is extremely small and it’s not even a circle anymore. It’s just a dot.


So my positive vibes just voice out this. How about I try to be that 'one' first, the 'one' that understand people, the 'one' that I can be in their shoes? Maybe that is the way the right person will eventually give a hand, lend their ears and shoulders. [ positive thoughts : ON ] Like no matter who she or he is. Named it, family, friends, spouse, life long partner or who ever that you can rely on. Try to be the 'one' that you want to have. Stop dreaming but make it real. Or maybe you could think that Allah make a way for you so that you are easily putting faith toward Him. Who knows? 


Nevertheless, let just du'a, wait and try to be that 'one'.

____________________________________

ps: did you guys saw the big and ugly title in my blog? i have been trying to fix it and i don't really know why it became like that. maybe i tertekan something during the pre-made of this blog. anyone know how to fix this? the title is link itself! 

Rose Path

Assalammualaikum and hi. Have you heard about Teme Abdullah? An inspiring person.

Believe or not, he did really inspire me at so many things. When I was first reading Pelukis Jalanan, all I want to do is to study oversea just like how he was. It doesn't make sense right? The book tells us the hurdles that he faced but I am low key want to experience how it is, being there. Arkitek Jalanan made me emotional as well. It took over 2 weeks to read because, for me, every page should be hadam betul2. I don't know, maybe I just have that type of fragile heart. The book definitely made me to stand in reality, to pursue my dream, to widen my perspective & to gain new knowledge. Nevertheless, I was get addicted to his writing until I read each of his entries post on the blog. Oh and also Empayar is probably my fav amongst all for now though. It is well-written. 

It's amazing how one able to inspire someone's life that much right? But, today I am not gonna talk about him though. That is just silly promotions so that you guys buy and read em.

Okay so the thing is, /drum roll lately, I've been confusing about myself. I am concerning about my future, about my real dreams and what actually I want to do in my life.  Do you guys have that kind of idol or role model in your life? I do. But I feel that I am not that consistent and that's why I'm lost. When I watch medic-drama, I want to be a doctor. Same goes to police-kind-of-drama and whatever drama it is. I am easily getting influenced until I don't know what is my real dream. I even think that am I have any specific talent that I specialize with though? Okay, I like to study, but not that much. Just another lazy potato here that loves to sleep. I like photography but I don't have skills. I like history but not that significant things in the textbook. I would like to travel but I am just a homebody person. I love many things but it doesn't bring major impact in my life. Except Kpop lol ( but it still not much though ) I seriously envy those who have ambition, their hobbies.....

And that is why I stated above that people's perspective influenced me so much. Just like how reading Teme's books, I'm easily terpengaruh. Idk if I'm in youth or teenager phase or what, but I'm slowly getting fear about this. What if i don't have dream? What if i cannot survive after spm life? Should i stop everything? Wait no what i'm doing right now? Cannot be denied that, Teme faced the same thing as well back then. This kind of confusion; & i believe everyone have experienced it too. Like we don't know whether we are in right path or not. But how about me?  I don't want to be like that and the thing is, I should change right now. But I'm in phase ' idk and idk ' all the times. I guess I should make a better move now.

Advice

Hi and assalammualaikum.

You know what? I love to listen to other people's perspective & their own opinions. Whenever I listen to them either intentionally or vice versa, they are lowkey making me to think openly about their thoughts.
Nevertheless, it doesn't mean what they said is true or not, funny or not, good or not, whatever it is, it just their opinions, and on how they delivered the messages. 

This morning, my teacher was absent on the class. We got like 3 free periods w/o a teacher. So like usual, we just doing our things. Finishing homeworkSSSSS, chit-chat and else. At first, I was doing physic's homework. But suddenly I heard a small argue-talk between my classmates, which was like 4 to 5 steps from my tablework. It was not that fuss or wild though. Just a conversation where this friend, A was giving a piece of advice to the other friend, H. Oh, it was man-to-man talks anyway. It high-key attracted me honestly. However, I don't want to join the conversation though because I know they will stop right away. So my hand was doing the homework, but my brain cell listened to the conversation LOL

Look, I don't want to write here what they talked about, but I gotta share some of my thoughts about A's advice. I sit back right now, thinking deeply about his advice. Okay, it is a great thing for sure. Menasihati antara satu sama lain is a great thing, isn't? Tuntutan agama.

But now, I thought & realized that there are actually some people who love to brag about their bad past or experience with other people. I mean, I get it that one wants to share their sorta painful experience so that others can learn about the mistakes and take it as a nonsuch ( teladan ) However, the way A delivered his advice was somehow annoyed me a little bit. Like littleeeeeeeeeee bit. No offense. I understand his good intention though, but yea. 

It sounds like when one thinks that his or her test from Allah is greater and hurtful rather than anyone else and thus makes s/he feels proud and brag with it all the times. When the thing is, there are actually more people who are suffering more than they realize. Or maybe even the one who are they giving advice with. Who knows? Maybe there are those ones who battling out with themselves right...

But I guess, I should just take it positively. I'm not writing this whole post for my classmate though. It just one of my thoughts about the thing that cropped up today. 

I'm giving this message to those who need anyway! I believe sometimes we feel terasa hati a little bit from teguran, but it is actually a good thing that someone willing to give an advice to us. Take it as a bonus to us, Inshaallah! 

PU Azman

Assalammualaikum and hi

Last few days, PU Azman came to my school; giving a talk for Maal Hijrah.

To be honest, I don't know him. I don't know until the day when the teacher announced that he will come. So I asked my friend,

" Who? "

since when the teacher announced it, all the students were like clapping and ecstatic about him.

" That ustaz who kinda famous at ig. He replies the netizens with funny and pun ways. Also the winner of Program Pencetus Ummah. "

" I see. "

So, during the day he came, first thing first was of course my first impression towards him. Masha-Allah, he looked likes so pure, innocent and I could sense his 'alim' hahhaha

His content went slowly, adapted to our surrounding smthing. I was immersed, i mean WE WERE immersed in his talks like I could feel how dia boleh adapt to our surrounding and berbual like we all dah kawan lama.

I was ecstatic, and still am. All the flows he made shown his efforts to give a talk toward a low and underprivileged school; like my school. The q&a session went kinda funny. And there is behind of the story that I fail to notice of ( will tell this later )

So the next day, it was with my teacher, who is one of the person I often observe with ( i am a lil observant kind of people lol ) & I love when he throw out his realistic opinion whenever he do & the thing was, when i sat around him with some of my friends.

He asked, " Ha apa yg kau dapat semalam dari PU Azman? "

Lol of course he made me speechless again. But exactly,
" Yeah, what is the final conclusion I get from him...? "

" Ha antara tin2 kosong la ni " he replied when kitorang semua terkial2 nak giving out the best answer.

Then it just went like that. BUT THEN,

I hesitate, " Should I ask or not " few times until I finally had the courage to ask him,

" Cikgu, kenapa muka cikgu mcm tak berkenan je bila PU Azman bagi talk semalam? Mcm tak puas hati? "

" Aku bukan tak puas hati ngan dia. Aku pelik ngan kau org. "

Aku dengar, diam. Tunggu dia sambung.

" Kau penah nampak tak sebelum ni kalau penceramah dtg sekolah kita ni suruh tanya, budak2 kita ramai2 angkat tgn? Berebut nak tanya soalan? Pegang mic? Ada? "

" Um no. " I replied slowly.

" Ha itu yg aku pelik. Kau tak terfikir? Macam mana dia boleh adapt our surrounding feels like close to him? Budak2 kelas belakang, ramai yg berani angkat tangan, pegang mic, tanya. Even though soalan diorang kelaut, but they did have courage to ask. "

Yes, I fail to notice this. Aku tak perasan this thing. I observe the situation, I observe PU Azman sendiri but I didnt notice my school mates yg tiba2 berani raise up hands to ask question, subhanallah!

" -and also some of you guys wasted the time, wasted his appearance being here yesterday. You should ask something yg betul2 dekat dgn diri u guys but seramai2 nak tanya kasus lgbt. Ade kena mengena ngan kau ke? Kenapa bersungguh2 nak tahu sgt? "

He responsed this.

Thus, his words menusuk at my heart again. To be honest, me myself was not into with this lgbt things. However, the words " wasted him " is I should agree with. For my perspective, I want to ask this and that, but during that time, aku tak boleh pikir satu pun soalan yg aku selalu tanya dkt Ustaz Addien's twitter ( yg mana dia banyak tak notice my tweet )

I learn my mistakes that day and I learn something new, MashaAllah.