updating life • sept edition

| 16 September 2019 |

Hello. Today, I learn that I shall be grateful and pleased with what Allah has granted for me, personally & warmly. Whenever I got English paper, I always feel like " Wew, alhamdulillah. Um by the way, did the teacher mark me wrongly tho? Why my marks this tinggi TT "

Yes. I just feel like I don't deserve high marks and praise from people. My low self-esteem is just that LOW 🤠 It's not that I was being ungrateful or what but yea, the esteem self. But then, I reflect. I thought that,

" Maybe I shall think more positive? Like look, Allah has set that marks for you. He has a purpose. Maybe he wants you to share HIS knowledge that you learn with other people? Maybe he wants you to know that what you have achieved now, may lose in one second? So please, stop underestimating yourself. It's all for HIM. "

& what you need to know also is, don't you ever riak.

Allah humma ya Allah, please forbid me from ujub and bongkak inside my heart, Ya Rahim. Allah humma Ya Alim, you always know what is going through inside my heart, so please let my heart always under your rahmah, Ameen.

Despite all the colourful rainbow you see from people, there will be always darkness had hidden among the colours. I struggle, but I want to put my faith completely towards Him. After all, he knows the best. I just got a few subjects that I guess, good grades? So I kinda felt a little overwhelmed which made me had some random thoughts today, Alhamdulillah.

| 25 September 2019 |

I cried. Yes, I cried because of the Additional Mathematics' marks. I thought I have done my best already but no. I made mistakes somewhere. It sucks to think that I studied this subject the most and still fail. The moment I saw the marks on the website, I felt like time stop ticking. I just laid on the bed, didn't think much. Things just got lil intense when my heart self, felt the ache. Maybe I was upset with myself and nothing else.

It just funny if I recalled back the scenario of me, bursting out that hard after taking wudhu' to perform Maghrib that day. Sometimes crying is the only way to comfort us. I haven't cried for a long time already. Wow addmath, you did it.

Please pray for me a lot, with love and always. Thank you for reading and have a good day, InsyaAllah.

confident is the key?

Hey there, Assalammualaikum and greeting!

I just finished my trial, Alhamdulillah. I'm not doing my best but meh I'll just let it past and focus more for the next one I guess? InsyaAllah, please pray a lot for me. I tried to jot down stuff for blog contents but I think most of them are just snobbish ideas that sounds ungrateful and full with negativity hahaha :D

Good news is, I am currently handling my period pain ( which was starting yesterday. ) It was right after the last paper, even though it has shown symptoms earlier but Alhamdulillah 3000x, Allah still loves me and treat me so well like HE saves me to not suffer the pain on the day I seat for examinations. That's the good part is. Hahaha. So, I take MC today which is my #first mc this year because I cannot tolerate about the pain, much. My mum always tells me that the pain is only 1/10 of birthing me. Hshshs, I cannot even.

Okay, what an intro. So yea, I just come across with another thought today under the keypoint of confident.

So like me myself, gaining the confidence is like when I can feel that yakeen from Allah, that He has set things for me AND i will just do all right. He always knows the best so I hipe I CAN ALWAYS REMEMBER that everything just going to be all right. Not to mention the support from my circle of people too. You know that little hopes that lit you up? That feeling is one of a true form of happiness. I always feel hype whenever someone motivate me, POSITIVELY. So whenever this feeling crops up, I think I shall be more grateful that day with the pleased feeling thatcAllah has granted for me. Oh and also when I have that random day feeling of " I don't care, I'll just do it anyway " xD

I admit that I am brave enough sometime but for sure not all the times! I am that typical low-self-confident person but nothing to be ashamed of, I guess? It's normal to has that feeling especially when I believe that I am in the path of growing hahaha, #tryingtobepositiveatupmost

When I watch some schoolmates doing amazes thing on the big stage, I would always say " Woah, the confidence though! " Because I don't really mind either it is successful performance or what ( besides handling second hand of embarassment ) as it still takes a lot of courages to be there on stage and being crowd of attention, receiving the cold stares and unbothered gazes ( which the thing I hate the most by the way even though it is not true at all hahaha )

So how about you? What things make you feel confident? and how do you grab the chance?

ps : i'm still struggling to handle my blog title post like you see the big blue kind of link? hahhaha i don't know what to do TT buat buruk aje !